


It's Going To Be Okay

by Ali_R95



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10x09, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Gen, Mark of Cain, Season/Series 10, Self-Hatred, slight destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 06:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2762864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ali_R95/pseuds/Ali_R95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after 10x09 midseason finale. Sam, Dean, and Cas' reactions afterwards, plus self-loathing Dean and comforting Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Going To Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> I feel meh about this. I think about half way through Dean became OOC whoops. Like all of my fics, their is slight Destiel.

The ride back to the bunker was tense, to say the least.  
  
Dean sat in the passenger seat while Sam drove, none of them trusting Dean to drive, including himself. Castiel sat in the back, Clare shaking in his embrace. She wouldn't even look in Dean's direction, and Cas was worried that what happened would torment her for life. He just continued to hold her, trying to comfort her like her father would have.  
  
Sam tried to ignore everything. Only focus on driving. He couldn't deal with it now. He told himself to wait until they got back to the bunker. They could talk about it then. That didn't stop those few, stray thoughts from circling his mind though. He didn't want his brother to be a killer. Dean had killed before, yeah, but it was always for a reason. But ever since the mark came, he's had trouble justifying all of Dean's actions. It was becoming harder for him to say 'Oh, Dean was just protecting himself.' He knew it wasn't all Dean's fault though. It was the mark. That still didn't make it any easier to watch his brother become a murderer.  
  
Dean stared absent-mindedly through the window, replaying the scene over and over in his head. How could he have let that happen? How did he lose control so suddenly? He tried to make sense of it. He kept seeing everything in flashes, barely able to remember it happening at all. One second he was being punched in the face, the next he was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by dead bodies and a bloody knife in his hand.  
  
 _This is all just some horrible dream, and I'm going to wake up any minute,_ Dean thought to himself. _I'm just in the bunker having another nightmare, and Sam's making breakfast in the kitchen,_ he tried to convince himself. He pressed his head against the window, closing his eyes. _Please let me be dreaming,_ he begged. But unfortunately that wasn't the case, and they were all going to have to deal with the consequences now.  
  
 _Oh God, what does Cas think of me?_ he thought, horrified at the idea. _When he saw me with Sam... Sam! The look on his face back there. He's so disappointed in me. I've let him down again._ Dean sighed. He didn't mean for any of it to happen. He wished they could find a damn cure for the mark already. Their research wasn't proving successful though, and it looked like they wouldn't be able to find a single piece of information on the mark of Cain. They had a whole gigantic library of books on lore, and not even one so much as mentioning the mark.  
  
They were running out of options. If this kept happening, no doubt Cas would have to kill him. Dean's come to except his fate. He's died so many times, it's not like this one will be different; he just won't come back this time. He always knew he'd die in the field. Hunters weren't allowed happy endings, he came to discover years ago. He looked over at Sam, hoping that at least he could live his life normally after he was gone, because let's face it; Dean always knew he'd die before Sam. Dean always tried to bring Sam back, but it's reached the point that Sam's going to have to give up on Dean this time. He can't always come back to life.  
  
They arrived at the bunker, Sam parking the car underground. When they got out Clare was still attached to Cas' side, his arm around her shoulders while she wrapped both hands around his waist as they walked inside. They all went in silence, not bothering to say anything to each other as they went their separate ways; Cas took Clare to a spare bedroom, Sam headed to the library, and Dean just decided to go to his room.  
  
Dean looked at his old photos, before changing his mind. He didn't need to get even more emotional now. He decided to take apart one of his guns and clean it. It was mindless enough to not require all his attention, but required just enough of his focus that he couldn't dwell on the incident. It didn't take too long before he was done and looking for another meaningless task he could do. He looked around. Music. He could listen to some music. That should help distract him. He put on his headphones and laid back in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. See, this he could do.  
  
Time passed. Song after song after song. Dean had no clue long he'd been lying there. It could have been minutes, but it could have been hours. To be honest he didn't really care at this point.  
  
Suddenly there was a tapping on his door. "Can I come in?" Cas asked through the door.  
  
"Yeah, sure." Dean said as sat up on his bed, taking off his headphones.  
  
Cas quietly entered the room, shutting the door behind him. "Are you okay?" Cas questioned him.  
  
Dean rubbed a hand over his face. "To be honest, no. But what can I do about it?" Dean shrugged. "How's everyone else doing?" he asked Cas.  
  
"Clare seems to be doing better," Cas said. "She's sleeping in the spare bedroom right now."  
  
"Okay..." Dean breathed out slowly.  
  
"Sam made her food. He's been in the library ever since." Cas stated.  
  
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Is he still trying to find research on the mark?" he asked.  
  
Cas just nodded solemnly before going to sit beside Dean on the bed. They sat in awkward silence.  
  
Cas turned to Dean. "You do know it's not your fault, right?" he said.  
  
"Yea I know, but it sure feels like it's my fault." Dean muttered.  
  
"Hey, we don't blame you for any of this." Cas remarked.  
  
"But it feels like it's me, though!" Dean exclaimed. "It feels like I'm the one doing it, because _I am_ the one doing it," he paused a moment to catch his breath. "I don't even notice that the mark's taken affect until afterwards. To be honest it doesn't even feel like its doing anything. I still feel like _me_ ," Dean turned away, hiding his face from Cas. "Maybe it's just been me all along."  
  
"No, that's not true, Dean." Cas disagreed.  
  
Dean spun back to face Cas, tears in his eyes. "Did you see the way Sam looked at me?" his voice cracked. "He was staring at me like I was a _monster_ ," he spat the last word. "Do you know how many times I've let him down? Now I get to add all of this to it too," he muttered, a tear slipping down his face.  
  
"He knows it's not you. I'm sure once we find a cure everything will go back to normal,"  Cas assured.  
  
Dean shook his head. "I don't think we are going to find a cure, Cas." Dean looked hopeless, then seemed to recall something. "You remember what we talked about?"  
  
"No Dean. I'm not going to kill you," Cas argued.  
  
"Hey, you totally said back there that you would!" Dean accused.  
  
"I was humoring you. I'm not going to do it unless it's a final option," Cas objected.  
  
"Then when are we deciding that we are out of options? How many more people am I going to kill before then?" Dean retorted. "You should just do it now, before I hurt anyone else."  
  
"I'm not going to let you hurt anyone else." Cas promised. "If you try to hurt anyone I'll stop you."  
  
"Okay, but what if you can't stop me? I don't want to hurt you too," Dean sniffed. Never has Cas seen Dean look so young. This was the most vulnerable he has ever seen him. He definitely didn't look like a killer at the moment.  
  
"Why did this have to happen?" Dean mused. "Why can't Sam and I have it good for once?" he pleaded. "Now we get to add this to our ever growing list of problems," he said bitterly. He grabbed at his hair. "I feel like I'm slowly losing control. I wish I was strong enough to fight against it. I don't know what to do anymore."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Dean," Cas murmured, wrapping his arms around Dean and pulling him into an embrace. Dean sobbed into his chest. Cas just held him and rubbed soothing circles into his back as he broke down.  
  
Dean pulled away a few minutes later, trying to regain his composure. "Sorry about that."  
  
"No, don't apologize." Cas said. "I think you are entitled to at least one break down."  
  
Dean chuckled. "I guess so," he admitted, wiping his eyes.  
  
"I mean it Dean. We'll figure it out. I'm not going to kill you. We're going to find a cure." Cas vowed. "I'm never giving up on you."  
  
"Thanks, Cas." Dean said, scratching the back of his neck. "I don't know about you, but I could go for a hamburger right about now."  
  
"Are you serious?" Cas stared.  
  
"Yes! I'm starving, and I want a burger! Let's go make some and then help Sam with the research. Maybe we can find a way to hunt down Cain," Dean said as he got off his bed, walking to the door.  
  
Cas shook his head and laughed. "Whatever you say, Dean," he chuckled, following Dean out of the room and closing the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> Arghblaaarghrargggaaaahhhhblaahhhhh. I tried to give it a fluffy ending since I'm apparently "too angsty". I hope you liked it?


End file.
